Steven Chbosky’s fictional character Charlie once famously said “I feel infinite.” Was there ever a more appropriate ekphrasis of the highest points of the human condition? When everything in your life lines up perfectly, if even just for a few seconds. When, for just a moment, your life feels like a scene out of your favorite movie. When life makes sense, and the holes in your heart don’t matter anymore.
I’ve had a few of those moments. Spending the summer of 2006, the last few months before college started, crusing around with Danny. Blue slushies from Circle K, powdered doughnuts, and Taco Bell. October Fall and Family Force Five. Pumpkinhead, Ghoulies II, Underworld Evolution, The Crow. Driving out in the cooling summer dusk to pick Danny up from his job at the concession stand at the Legacy Park neighborhood pool. Pushing the car out of the driveway at 1am as to not wake up my parents. Driving and talking. Feeling infinite.
Driving all over Colorado on a 5-day road trip with David Carr in the summer of 2008. Windows down, listening to music, deciding whether to set up the tent or just sleep in his truck. Four days without a shower. The cute waitress in the town where we got his car fixed. High on life. Feeling infinite.
Biking around Vaxjo in the snowy evenings of January, listening to The Album Leaf. Walking in to town accompanied by The Great Lake Swimmers’ “This Is Not Like Home” in my headphones. Getting home at 5pm as the sun was setting.
Afternoon fika with Carolina down by the lake. The lake, finally thawed, glistened in the sun, too bright to look at. Pastel coffee cups in hand, sitting on a bench that we did not move from for two hours Taking in the sunlight and each other’s company. God; saving the world; our favorite music. Listening to I-Empire. Picking her the one of the first flowers of the year. After scolding me for picking the only flower, she happily put it behind her ear. We took a picture, right there, on the little red bridge.
I felt infinite.
